The kids get the brunt of your actions every single time in one way or another. Perhaps Mom then calls Dad and freaks out at him, and then Dad is in a pissy mood and takes it out on the kids. At the very least, the kids will certainly pick up on the tension between you and Mom in the tone of your voice or even your body language when you talk about their mother. read more »

Mom is a part of the picture whether you like it or not, so do everything you can to make peace with that concept. Among stepmothers, the topic of attending school conferences is hotly contested. The women who spend hours studying with the children at the kitchen table insist they have a right to be at the school conferences, regardless of whether or not the biological moms feel comfortable having them there. read more »

Figuring out your relationship with the ex will happen over time. But my advice is don’t push it. No matter how wonderful or kind or manipulative or horrible you think she is, you’ve got to respect her position as mother to your stepchildren.

Remember this: Those lovely attributes your stepchildren exhibit don’t all come from your husband’s influence. My own stepmother, Nancy, put this concept very eloquently. read more »