The kids get the brunt of your actions every single time in one way or another. Perhaps Mom then calls Dad and freaks out at him, and then Dad is in a pissy mood and takes it out on the kids. At the very least, the kids will certainly pick up on the tension between you and Mom in the tone of your voice or even your body language when you talk about their mother.
When you do something in a stepfamily to rock the boat, the effects are felt across the entire family system—for a long time. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go to your stepchild’s wedding, because you belong there if your stepchild wants you there.
But please think strategically about your involvement in your stepchild’s life, especially when Mom’s behavior isn’t exemplary. Consider all the angles. Be as flexible as possible if you need to rearrange schedules, and try to take the burden off the kids if you can.
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