I know I sound pretty tough on stepmoms in this chapter, and I mean to be. It takes a lot of maturity to be a successful stepmom. But you can do it. Setting up your boundaries with the ex can help you feel strong in a situation that is loaded with the potential to make you feel stripped of power.
Sandy had to set a boundary with her husband around phone calls. One night after she and her husband, Tim, were intimate and still in bed together, the phone rang, and her husband answered. It was his ex. And instead of telling her he’d call her back later, he proceeded to have a twenty-minute conversation with her.
Sandy was enraged that he would let the ex interrupt their special time together without a thought about her feelings. That moment was this couple’s impetus to begin setting boundaries. Another lament I hear a lot from stepmoms who don’t have sturdy boundaries with the ex is, “There’s another woman in my marriage!” But the fact is, she’s not in your marriage.
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