When your household is in crisis, it’s easy to make someone into the villain. The kid who is acting out is a popular choice, but it’s important to keep in mind that the children have had no control over what has happened to them.
They have to play out the drama other people have forced upon them. And just like you, they never asked for any of it. But unlike you, they didn’t have a choice. Everything clicked for Lynn when she realized the children were taking the brunt of all of the adults’ actions.
And though at times their behavior drove her nuts, she could understand it and because she didn’t take it personally, she was able to offer the children compassion. “I was very careerfocused and independent and self-oriented. And one big thing I realized when my husband and I got together was that the kids didn’t have any say in the situation. They were living out the consequences of someone else’s decision, just like I am dealing with these consequences. The kids are not the enemy. They really needed support and stability. They needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere.”
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