I thought about leaving Arne for peace, for quiet, for the life I lived before I met him—take-out on the couch and old movies and theblissful, unemotional, even-keeled silence of a well-ordered, no-surprises kind of life. read more »

They made me feel totally helpless, and they were violating my personal sanctuary with such cacophony that all I could think about was getting them out of my house. When Arne called me from the road to tell me he was on his way, I told him he had better get there as quickly as possible to pick up his children. read more »

I’d never been much of a babysitter, and in the corporate world I had few opportunities to be around kids. So I thought the relative calm was a major accomplishment. Then the oven buzzer went off, we each ate two cookies, and I could almost see the sugar blasting into their bloodstreams. read more »

The more time you spend with your stepkids, the easier it will get for you to have an influence on them because you’ll be more familiar with what makes them tick. So at the beginning, have patience with the kids as much as possible. And have patience with yourself, too. You’re all in a new situation, one none of you has been in before. read more »

And though the biological parents are the ones who need to step up and parent those kids, sometimes a parent doesn’t do what needs to be done. They let the kids run wild and treat a stepparent with contempt.

That’s where your job becomes extraordinarily difficult. And your work has to be so consistent. So subtle. Darcy dealt with new stepmotherhood by using the skills she’d perfected as a human resources manager with her two stepchildren. read more »